Category Mistakes

Patent Application (6)

Epiphanical Mobile Device

The user of a mobile terminal enters keywords indicative of message categories he wishes to peruse then walks around a mall. If there is a match he has an epiphany and it is in a mall. He is then saddened that his epiphany is not poetic enough because it has taken place in a mall. This is the beauty of the product: before reaching an epiphany the product chases the client out of the mall and urges him to go to nature, usually to a body of water or a grouping of significant trees.



Media Directive (eleven countries invaded)

You may print a copy of the application and submit it with another form of payment. Make sure there aren't any dings or holes in the board. Use a monkey wrench to loosen the bit. Remove the old bit; replace it with the required core bit and tighten. Place sheet of brown backup into tray. Your advisor can often help direct your research in useful directions and warn you of possible difficulties.


“I’m very sorry I took us down this conversation’s road. You have to believe I                                              had no idea where it would lead.”


Abstract Scene Summary:
This scene was calculated to be minimal, affordable, comfortable to penetrate and execute. The author sculpted it to demonstrate a diversity of common situations; how to handle them through language, authority, and direction.


Swatches proxy for the sleeve
Rose out: an updated classic.
Several bosses approve.
Target Retail Price: $89.95
Fabric Construction: Fine-Gauge Jersey Knit
In-Store Delivery: Feb. 28, 2006
Tag Position: Stitched inside of neck, left aligned
Inspiration: Outer edge contrast stitch
Source: Multi


Gift: helps you lose weight, 40 - 80% off (every day of the week), best value Rx, healthiest home products this side of the Mississippi, breathe and sleep better, facilitates living as though flourishing in your personal journey for self-expression


within the human body’s capacity to blush



Office Situation

Molded support between windows
Holding edifice aloft.
Splattered panes stick to Indian summer.

          Risks of generalizing reform.
          What remains of social welfare: public schools
          Various conditions of not being able to take a test.

A planted square exists
To demonstrate
We can dig it up.

                    [===> Please enter your reply above this line <===]

Eventually, the name will change and a new catalog will be sent out.
Actually ended with </rant> and I perhaps should have slept over it.
I view this transition as a fruitful opportunity for engagement within the organization.

In order to aid in planning your superfluous flex-time workplan
The dates for on-site wellness massages for the next 8 months
          Are Listed Below:
                                        Tues. Jan 11, 2005
                                        Wed. Feb 9, 2005
                                        Tues. March 15, 2005
                                        Wed. April 13, 2005
                                        Tues. May 17, 2005
                                        Wed. June 15, 2005
                                        Mon. July 18, 2005
                                        Wed. Aug 17, 2005

The landlord has informed me that the main door
Will not be available tonight due to a mechanical problem.
New parts are on order and are obliged to be installed tomorrow.

Asking for height above decay;
The brown chair is a savored odor.
Residence time: unknown.
I am obviously waiting.



Board Meeting Minutes

  • What was done before: resolution and background information distributed at meeting; provided brief background summary and what each nominee would contribute to the committee. (They don’t do shit.)
  • To do: jumpstart a discussion of where AlmosThere is going at a toolkit level, where the solutions manager should jump in, etc., what items of the toolbox are still “missing” from the layout of producer unity.
  • Brad Knickly has funny idea about deconstructive theories of truth and wants to interject them into said meeting; the asshole was laughed out and was not given a bagel.
  • I’m not sure where you were before you were wearing that hat. 10 minute discussion on “walking in another’s shoes.”
  • There were no comments on the minutes of the last meeting and these were agreed as an accurate record.
  • It was decided: this file will be kept between cabinets.
  • Several items about the rape were accidentally leaked to the press corps; the right of the paper to publish said leaks went all the way to Supreme Court; the corporation got jacked on that account, looked crappy from all sides.
  • Click on the underlined member of the team you wish to view/print.
  • Judy brought bagels. Tim has never brought a snack, not once, and he doesn’t even contribute when we have potlucks.
  • Tim will never be allowed to have drinks with us. That is so obvious.
  • Adoption of appropriation ordinance and funding sources resolution amendments in the services for Redevelopment Capital Projects Fund.
  • The chronology was convened and assured by multiple sources: intermediaries are ready to testify.
  • To do: Improvement on demo loop code (Thadiell? and anyone who is able to help. Get your asses in gear. YOU are part of a team.)
  • Are these notes for the wrong meeting? I don’t understand a word of what I’m writing.
  • Our statement of purpose is ready for the press. How will Thomas get it to the press? A grand presence is necessary.
  • Our wires got crossed. We must be sitting in multiple meetings.
  • COUNCIL ACTION: (Time duration: 11:20 a.m. – 11:23 a.m.)
  • Excuse me, please promulgate the revised amendment as a temporary emergency amendment then substitute amendment with approach listed.
  • Many of the motions considered required no amendment or further action.
  • Several (no count was available) responses received were in favor with no comments.
  • Franklin Gellerber reminded the audience of the benefits of being an abstractor, while John Fredreikson reminded the audience of the benefits of staring deeply into the bottom of the bottom line.
  • I’m not really sure if we’re here to sell solutions or widgets or microwaves but I’m sure we will do it and do it well.
  • Who was the leak? Who spilled the last cat?
  • Discussion was lively and wide-ranging touching upon many subjects including informatics and technological ontologies.
  • I must be overhearing you and taking notes for fun.




[psychological virus]
Apple, Melvin. (1964) “Viral Theories of Contagion Theory in and Around Anxiety.”
           Interdisciplinary Communication for a New Theater, 6(12): 510–656.

Caringso, G. (1989). "A Defense of the Riotous Theory." Prison Writings, 1: 51–65.

Cribettsberg, L. (1962). "Cabbage and its Discontents." Noose, 126(8): 122–193.
           Cribettsberg defends nooses by combining them with topic-neutral analyses of            sensory states in terms of their standard causal nexus.

[Seeing As…]
Howcan, W. G. (1977). "Seeing: A Backhanded Defense." Philosophical Papers Seen            As Crap (Metaphysics), 2: 518–556.
           Howcan defends the view that talk of backhands in tennis demonstrates how a            logic of penetration must be pervasively atoned.

[international justice]
Khanlan, Frank. (1979). “Education, Interrogations, Globalizations: How Do Poor            People Get More? And Do We Really Want Them To?” 28(4): 283-301.
           Shows, in brief, how borders constrain us, how racism is bad, and how identity            politics demonstrates the root of our linguistic torture.

[parental adverbialism]
Outlaw, D. (1925). "The Adverbial Theory of the Moving Away from Your Parents."            Metaphilosophy, 16: 124–300.
           Brought parents to the forefront of psychology.

Tying, Miguel. (1974). "Pushing Your Eyeball for a Philosophy of the Visual Arts."
           The Psychopediometric Review, 13(6): 165–185.
           Contains a brief and critical survey of eyeball pushing. Responds to Outlaw’s            (1979) criticisms.

Francis Raven's first novel, Inverted Curvatures, was published this fall by Spuyten Duyvil. Poems of his have been published in Mudlark, Conundrum, Untitled, Pindeldyboz, Big Bridge, La Petite Zine, and Can We Have Our Ball Back? Essays and articles of his have been published in Jacket, Clamor, In These Times, The Fulcrum Annual, Rain Taxi, Sauce, and Pavement Saw. He lives with his wife in Cambridge, Massachusetts.


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